Nature knows when to let go...
Letting go. Two words that, depending on your perspective, could herald an emotional and physical meltdown or a jubilant cry of ‘Freedom!’. Most of us resist change in our lives whenever possible, so the mere thought of letting go – followed by its associated feelings – is anathema to us.
As I write it’s autumn here on this small island in the north Atlantic; leaves are falling, and there is an effortlessness to this beautiful cycle of death and decay. The tress aren’t moaning because they will soon be leafless; they’ve long ago surrender to the perfection of nature. And before anyone says “oh but trees don’t have a consciousness, so they can’t feel,” my friend you are barking up the wrong one.”
Clinging on
So why do us two-leggeds cling on for grim death to relationships that leave us cold, jobs we detest and feel undervalued in, family connections that undermine us, geographical locations that make us miserable, houses and apartments that we don’t enjoy living in any more? And, even more crucially, why do we continue to hold on to beliefs – generally created from our thoughts and feelings – that we have simply made up. Assumptions that simply have no basis in reality?
Excuses
The answer? Mostly we make excuses. And mostly we are frightened. Have you ever heard yourself saying any of the following? I know I have:
“I won’t find anyone else like him/her, the economy sucks so it’s impossible to find other work, I won’t get another house/apartment that’s as good as this one in the location I want, I’ll be left all alone…, I won’t make as much money… “ The list is endless. And mostly supported by massive leaps of projection into a future reality that hasn’t even taken place yet.
Hilariously, we make these statements believing them to be fact. But in actual fact, we simply haven’t a clue what the benefits of ‘letting go’ might be – often the benefits are completely beyond what we could imagine with our minds. Our identity is so intent on keeping us safe, you’re better off relying on intuition to get a clearer picture of what your heart would truly love.
So, how can you tell if it’s time to move on in your relationship? Or jack in that job you dread getting commuting to each morning?
1. Your immune system is depleted through stress. You’re getting colds and flu and are out of shape
2. You are spending increasing amounts of time fantasising about the kind of life you would like. Surfing the net…
3. Your relationship has become physically or verbally abusive.
4. Your self-confidence has hit the floor.
5. You are feeling powerless and impotent.
6. You’re staying much later at the office these days.
7. You’re starting to look at other men/women – and wanting to take it further.
8. You’re picking arguments for no reason. And taking everything personally.
9. You are feeling depressed and lacking motivation. Crying for no apparent reason.
10. You are feeling trapped and cannot see a way out of your situation.
Follow your intuition
Intuitively, we often know the exact right time to let go of dysfunctional relationships or jobs without fulfillment. We get flashes of inspiration; we hear our inner voice nudging us to ‘get out’, we see signs all around us – and often we ignore them. We may even pass up on opportunities to meet other people, because our focus is so resolutely on the very thing we don’t want. ‘It hurts so good’ syndrome. We become crippled by fear.
Letting go, for me, has always been a struggle of epic proportions. A creature of habit I would often stay around and try to make something work out, even if it was bloody obvious this was never going to be a “happy ever after”.
Listen to your body
So now, I listen to my body, watch for reactions; look out for signs and definitely don’t ask advice from friends or family. You can well do without their projections. Instead, rely on signs from your body – fight or flight being one of them – to give you guidance. And watch for the signs and symbols all around you, informing you of your next step.
As Confucious sagely said: “Signs and symbols rule the world, not words or laws”.
